Absolutely yes turned into die and be forgotten

I had my earphones in and I received a text from our squad group chat – a link to a song. I pressed play and sat and listened. 

Matthew 24 was always connected with Matthew 28, there will be a day when someone puts on a heavy backpack and trek up into an unknown village with hundreds of little tiny huts with thatched roofs and snow on the ground and they will walk up to a hut and they will knock on a door and it will open to them and it will be some girl who never thought she would ever do anything magnificent for God and she will whisper these words to the person who opens the door and they’ll say:

“Do you know what God did in my life? 

“Do you know about the man Jesus Christ?”

“Do you know that He saved the uttermost?”

“Do you know that He is the one true living God?”

“Do you know that the gods that you’ve been worshiping cannot see and they cannot hear you but I assure you this God, He can save you, Jesus can save you.” 

And in that instant the sky will crack open and God will ride down on a white horse and He will scream out with a boom, “that was the last person to hear the gospel I am back!” 

What will it be like for a generation to say I want to be like that person? 

I wanna be the one with the heavy backpack. 

I wanna be the one trekking through the snow. 

I wanna be the one that goes to the deepest jungle.

I wanna be the one that stays in a tent.

I wanna be the one in the yurt.

I wanna be the one in a boat on my way to a Polynesian island

I wanna be the one to share the Gospel with the very last. 

The Great Commission was never about doing, the Great Commission was always about finishing. We need the person that is wild in their generation, we need the people who will eat the dirty food, who will sleep in the dirty house, who will go to the most difficult, who will go to the hardest, who will go to the darkest place, we need the wild ones to rise up in this hour. 

Tears filled my eyes as I sat on the wooden bench during month one in Guatemala at the base during my time with Jesus. I did not know what to think about the words that filled my ears. I sat and thought, okay Lord I am all in. I will say yes to you for the rest of my life, wherever you call me I will go. 

5 months later and we are in the upper room in Albania, not literally but what happened here felt like it. 

The room was heavy, the lights were off, whispers of prayers and the sound of footsteps filled the room as people walked to take Communion. The reality was that we were half way through the Race, some of us were tired and torn apart, some of us were on fire for the Lord and ready to take the next 6 months by the neck, some of us are just not in it anymore, some of us were broken and angry, some of us were hungry for more of the Lord, some of us were destroyed from the countless number of rejection we have received on the field. Aaron grabs his guitar, I grab my guitar and we were expectant of what would happen next. 

The lyrics had changed from month one. The words we yelled out were different. The passion in our voice was raw. The cry in our heart was heavy. 

The harvest is ready, we have to go. 

We won’t stop till the whole world knows. 

The power in Your blood to save every soul. 

We’re not ashamed of the Gospel. 

I will preach the Gospel.

Die and be forgotten. 

As long as You get the Glory. 

Jesus You’re worthy of every tribe and tongue.

It’s all for Your glory. 

Till every soul is won.

The same concept. The same message. The same Gospel. 

I sat down afterwards on the stage by Aaron and took it in. I did not want to move away from the Spirit. I did not want to move away from realizing the weight of these words. I meant the words when I was yelling them, I meant the tears I had cried 5 months earlier in Guatemala, I meant the text I sent saying “I don’t want to come back to the states.” I want these words to be my reality. I am willing, and I want to go. I am willing to be forgotten. I am willing to carry a heavy backpack for the rest of my life. I am willing to go to the deepest jungle. I am willing to die for the sake of the Gospel. I realize the cost of the mission. I realize that I will miss out on important dates back home. I realize that my niece will grow up and our relationship will be over FaceTime. I realize that I will lose most of my childhood friends. I realize that I have a home and a job in the states that is comfortable. I realize this all sounds insane to the average joe. I realize the urgency of the Gospel. I realize that the name of Jesus is not heard in every nation, it’s not heard in every tribe, it’s not heard in every tongue. I realize that the Lord has called me out of comfortability and into dependency on Him. I realize that someone has to be the person that preaches the Gospel and dies and is forgotten, and I am willing. I am willing to not make a name for myself here on earth for the sake of the Gospel. Here I am Lord, and I am willing. 

I am not sure what life will look like in 6 months when I land back on American dirt, but whatever it looks like here I am. I say yes and I am willing to die and be forgotten. It is worth it. 

I challenge you to sit and ask yourself if you are willing to say yes, and if you are willing to die and be forgotten. 

You can pray for me as I seek the Lord and wise counsel in what life could look like after the race. You can pray for discernment in how to navigate conversations when I return to the states. You can pray for me as I sit in humility of probably support-raising for the foreseeable future. You can pray for how you can partner with this ministry long-term. I would love to chat with you in the endless ways this could look like. 

STAY UP TO DATE!

This is a photo mostly to prove that I am still alive, but also from a 10 day trek along the coast of Albania my team and I did. There will be a podcast soon with how that was, you can find the podcast on any streaming platform under the name “Unscripted Reality” I also send out a monthly newsletter and if you don’t receive those shoot me an email [email protected] and I will add you.

As always love well, AP